i have a pattern of like procrastinating homework then using my phone till late then sleeping like 5h ish then going to sch, then in class i fall asleep or cant focus. which i think affected my grades cos i didn’t understand ■■■■. like i feel like i do this cos in the day i have zero motivation to start, i leave my work to the last possible moment as i have to wait for the “panic monster” to kick in. and like lowk i’m scared in a way to fall asleep. cos i had phases b4 bad insomnia before and that time at night while trying to sleep i keep overthinking and like having lots of suicidal thoughts, so i think i lowk just try to use my phone to like fully exhaust me so i dont have time to think about anything. and also like i realise i keep a lot of feelings to myself, which is like not good as i shld like talk abt it to feel better. this will sound slightly crazy but i dont think the drawbacks will outweigh the benefits of talking abt what i feel to others. like in my experience of the times i did that, there was nothing that they said that made those feelings better, and like i don’t enjoy letting people see that side of me in a way. like i kinda have to be the strong one among my friends, cos they are struggling a lot mentally and i dont want to like becuz of what they know abt me like not turn to me for help or wtv. and like lowk i dont even know what to really talk about to them, like sometimes i js feel down and like i dont really know, or like its some stuff that after i take a step back i think its actually okay, but i js keep dwelling over things even after i reflect and reassure myself with logical reasoning (like use the same reasoning as if i was consoling a friend) is the best way to describe. yeah i think i would benefit from help from some mental health professionals to dig deeper into my emotions. iv been thinking if i should actually ditch the care corner person that i have been in contact with since late 2024 and still have not been able to get counselling. i need to ask my parents for private help tho which i’m really scared of even tho i know they want the best for me.
Hey @thegreatwar ,
After reading through what you wrote, it looks like your nights and days are linked in a loop, and it keeps carrying over.
The delaying, the waiting for the “panic monster”, it does not look like a lack of discipline.
It looks like a pattern where starting work and going to sleep both get pushed back, even though it affects your rest and schoolwork.
You also shared that you feel a bit scared to fall asleep. So the phone is not just distraction, it is helping you avoid the kind of thoughts you experienced before at night.
At the same time, when sleep is reduced, it affects attention and focus quite directly.
Sleep plays a big role in how your mind works the next day, even though right now it may feel unproductive or unsafe.
There is also something you said about needing to be the strong one for your friends.
It sounds like showing that you are struggling, or not having answers, may feel like it makes you less reliable or someone others cannot look up to.
So you keep things to yourself.
This is quite common, especially when you are used to thinking things through on your own.
You are able to reason things out, but reasoning alone does not always shift how you feel.
When things are held in like that, do they feel contained, or do they build up over time?
About support, it makes sense that you feel stuck if you have been waiting since 2024 and still have not started counselling.
If you are under 18, support often involves parents or school, which can make it harder to take the next step.
At the same time, reaching out to your parents can help you access more consistent support.
You mentioned you know they want the best for you. What feels most difficult about letting them know?
If things feel heavier at night, you can also reach out to National Mindline at 1771 or use mindline.sg.
This can be a temporary support while you work towards something more consistent.
Right now it seems like you are managing school, your own thoughts, and also being there for your friends. Let us know how you feel?