I feel like i’m falling behind in my schoolwork. I’m in the best class of my grade, my grades are so-so (apparently according to others it’s normal to see a drop in grades when you reach my age), and i’m not focused in class. I have this big competition that’s been going on for about a month or so, and mostly whenever i have class all i’m thinking about is the competition and other things. It makes me feel bad about myself. I’m usually very disciplined, focused and a good student, but these past few weeks i’ve been slacking on my work. I’m kinda sad. And this competition isn’t exactly bringing me a lot of joy either, except when i win rounds. I hate this. I don’t like my teachers too. Not only that, i’ve had to sacrifice a lot for this competition. But if i don’t win next round, it’ll be like it was all for nothing. And i’m most likely gonna lose because i have this teammate that can’t do their job properly. This sucks and i hate it. I don’t know what to do. How do i go back to my old self? What do i do?
Hey @user1329,
It sounds like things have been quite up and down for you with the competition, especially with the wins and losses. At the same time, I can see how much this matters to you, and how putting so much into it has started to affect your studies as well. You are also able to notice that link between your attention going into the competition and your drop in focus. That level of awareness is important.
There also seems to be some guilt and frustration. You care about your schoolwork, so when it is affected, it does not sit well with you. And when results are not going as expected, it is quite common for the mind to look at teachers or teammates. That can happen when confidence takes a hit.
It may help to look at what competition is. Competition is a structured comparison of performance under limited conditions. There is scarcity, rules, and evaluation. Because of that:
- Competition creates the environment
- Success is how performance is judged
- Failure is the feedback when expectations do not match outcomes
Success and failure are not opposites that cancel each other out. They depend on each other.
In any competition:
- If success exists, failure must also exist
- If someone wins, someone else does not
- If outcomes are ranked, not everyone can be at the top
That is how the structure works.
Sometimes the blind spot is this. When success happens, it feels like it proves everything. When failure happens, it feels like it erases everything. Both are partial views shaped by the same system.
Right now, it sounds like your mind is holding onto one side strongly -
“If I lose, it was all for nothing.” That can make all your effort feel smaller than it actually is.
In competition, the process and journey matter as well. The preparation, the way you worked with others, and how you handled challenges are part of what you gain from it, regardless of outcome.
When you look back at this period of training and competing, what has the experience been like for you, beyond the results?
It also sounds like you are comparing yourself now to how you used to function, more focused, more steady and the gap is uncomfortable. Instead of trying to go back, it may help to look at what supported that version of you before.
Usually when focus drops, it is not because discipline disappears. It is because:
- Attention is split across too many things
- One area is taking up more mental space
- Pressure makes it harder to settle into tasks
So the direction may be less about forcing yourself back, and more about slowly resetting your conditions for focus.
You might consider letting someone know what has been happening, whether it is a teacher or someone at home, so you do not have to carry this on your own. Not to fix everything immediately, but to get some support in structuring your time and attention.
You also mentioned that you are usually disciplined. That part of you has not disappeared. It is still there, just stretched by what you are handling now.
You do not have to become your old self again. You are learning how to function under a different load. Maybe we can start with this, what felt different about you before, when you say you were more focused?
Hey there, thanks for sharing soemthung so personal. That sounds really frustrating, and it makes sense you feel off. You’ve been juggling a lot, and it’s pulling your focus away from the version of yourself you’re used to. That doesn’t mean you’ve “lost” that person. It just means you’re stretched thin right now.
It might help to gently shift out of the all-or-nothing thinking. This competition doesn’t define your worth, and it won’t make your effort “for nothing,” even if things don’t go the way you hope. You’ve still learned, tried, and pushed yourself.
For now, try to come back to small steps. Try focusing on one class, one task, one moment at a time. You don’t have to become your “old self” overnight. You’re still that person, just tired. Be kind to yourself while you find your rhythm again:)