18F and currently in college. to start off/give some context, i don’t know if its just me, but everyone, every interaction in college feels superficial. it drains me trying to stay vibing with people i dont even like, pretending im ok when im not all because i have this gut feeling that being friendless but true to myself would be worse than having fake friends. what makes this worse for me is that throughout secondary school, i was surrounded by very close friends - even then, i felt lonely, but now i look back at those times and miss them. i still text these friends everyday now and tbh theyre literally all i have, i would fall apart if i couldnt text them anymore, like seriously, they are all that i have. im an only child and the only family member i confide in is my mum, my dad’s very distant.
being a college student, im always trying to keep busy and lock in because everyone around me is so locked in, but the moment i get a holiday this feeling of all-consuming loneliness sets in, and because im so deprived of genuine heartfelt interaction with new people, i really, really crave a relationship because ngl, im desperate. but at the same time getting attached to anyone terrifies me because ive got attachment issues as i was ghosted once by someone online that i liked last year and that ■■■■ left such a wound on me that even now it still hurts. literally any text message from a male gives me flashbacks, no joke, my trauma is obv still super unhealed. now my massive trust issues and my desperation are one big self sabotaging mess, and idk what to do, how do I cope with loneliness?? like aside from confiding in trusted friends, do y’all like…actually put effort into meeting new people when u feel lonely? and how to not get attached?? is it the right thing to put up walls arnd myself when i make new friends?? or do i need to be okay with getting hurt..?
