i cant move onb

Ask a Therapist Coping
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Soo you might be wondering “wait this is about a breakup why is it under here” (or you may not) but LOL igs lets get to my situation

So this has been affecting me really badly for soo long and I cant believe I have yet to actually rant about this. If you have seen my previous posts( its ok if you havent its not necessary), I would have mentioned breifly about a breakup.

Me and my ex have dated for like 7 months. Might not seem much but for a sec sch kid its kinda long. We were “the couple that ppl thought would last” or aka “the perfect couple” until it isnt. Before dating, we were like best friends for about a year before my dumb ahh decided to confess and all the complications of “wait are we dating” happened. The rs was going amazing. Its like everything I cld ever ask for. That guy treats me very well, protects me, never made me insecure, even treats my family well. My sister, who dislikes 99.9% of my friends is actually ok with him.

In end nov, I realised hes been abit distant which made me worry if hes just early stressing about O Levels or just fell out of love. And well I asked that damn question “did you loose feelings for me..?” And i got the answer I hoped i wouldnt get “well abit..” It took him a day to decide if we wanted to continue dating and he said and i quote “sure. But we need to work together to keep the rs going”. Well… I was the only one trying… his efforts were just dropping day by day… maybe its stress that O levels is next year? But regardless we argued alot more about the smallest things ever since then.. and ironically my sensitive ahh started the arguement…

When school reopened, him being in the student council have to deal with orientation stuff which understandably, he’ll be busy. But no way one can be that busy that it seems like they forget that they have a girlfriend right? Well wrong. He would literally run off without even saying hi or something even when he sees me. He would be with his group of friends and not even reacting anything even when he sees me. We kinda argued about it and he promised the next day he’ll spend more time with me. (Btw we have not talked f2f since like dec) the next day. His phone was offed during break, hes just in class with his friends. He saw me pass by with my friends not even a hi. Maybe im just being sensitive but like ya. I got mad at him cause he promised he’ll spend more time but ended up ya. We made up shortly after and called. While calling, i was just talking about my possible class committee and when i mentioned someone we mutually dislike, he literally went “omg ew that roller coaster” ya ok that guy is abit plumpy but he KNOWS that guy has ed… i told him that he has ed.. i got mad cause i do not condone to fatshaming and all he did was “okok fine im sorry” and muted himself cause i was mad. We argued again.. and i rashly said to breakup and he actually agreed… i instantly regreted it and wanted to get him back but damage was done and well hes not willing to gwt back together… but he agreed to become friends.

Cause the breakup happened at night, after the crying (idk if he did), we went to sleep (not in call). And the next day, that guy seemed like he already moved on. Mind you we were each other’s first everything. And on monday when we went back to school, he just seemed alot happier… said want to be friends? Ended up conversations just gets drier and drier by the hour. Friends my ■■■. And we completely ended the friendship too. So i basically lost the love of my life and my best friend that knew how to comfort me, knew all my deepest secrets EVERYTHING.

About a month after the breakup, he changed. Breaking all the promises. Especially that one promise I held closely to my heart. “I will never listen to whatever bs about you that your classmates tells me” cause he did. He became like them. He told the person that wanted to ruin my life so badly a whole nother pov of the rs. I forgot what is it but it was just full on blaming me. And it just gets worse from then.

After that, i realised many of my friends were toxic and i ditched them. Theres this one friend. Lets call him zebra. So my ex didnt really like zebra during the rs cause sometimes i play valorant with zebra instead of him ( im also easily jealous so i understand where is he coming from). And after i ditched zebra, zebra and my ex started playing valorant. Once, i found out zebra was shi talking about me. So i confronted zebra. Little did i know, zebra and my ex were calling,playing valorant. So zebra told my ex about the confrontation. And guess what my ex asked zebra to send me. The address to IMH. My ex KNEW my mental health is already bad, he knew my social life is going down, he knew im struggling to move on and blah blah. And he sent that. My ex thought it was a funny joke. But it actually affected me badly. I told zebra that it genuinely affects me and i dont think its a funny joke cause im taking this seriously and zebra told my ex. Just for my ex to reply with 2 thumbs up.

Till this day, this comment is still affecting me. Its been more than 10 weeks since it happened… and funny thing is, i still love my ex… everytime i see my ex i just fall in love with him again… i know i shouldnt and like people are just shitting on me about it. Even one of my ex best friends left me cause i cant move on. Ya… im officially broken in the head.

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Hey @eoeoe,

Thank you for trusting us with this deeper layer of your pain. I hear how raw and unresolved this heartbreak still feels, and how profoundly the betrayal from someone who was once your safe person has shattered your world. You’re carrying so much - grief, humiliation, anger, and that relentless pull toward someone who hurt you deeply. None of this means you’re “broken in the head.” It means you’re human, grieving a seismic loss, and surviving cruelty you never deserved.

Let’s untangle this together:

What I See in Your Pain

  1. The Double Betrayal Trauma
  • First: The slow fade of his affection (“I was the only one trying…”), the dismissal of your feelings (“muted himself cause I was mad”), and his instant emotional detachment after the breakup. This wasn’t just a breakup—it was the loss of your best friend, your confidant, and your sense of safety.
  • Second: His transformation into someone cruel. Sending the IMH address wasn’t a “joke.” It was a targeted attack using your deepest vulnerabilities against you. This is emotional abuse. The fact he knew your mental health struggles and weaponized them? That’s unforgivable. You’re not “sensitive”—you’re rightly devastated by his betrayal.
  1. The Unfair Burden You Carry
  • You’re grieving not just him, but the person you thought he was: the protector, the safe harbor. That version of him is gone, and the cognitive dissonance (“I still love my ex… everytime I see him I fall in love again”) is torture. This isn’t weakness—it’s a testament to how deeply you loved.
  • Your “friends” blaming you for not “moving on”? That’s victim-blaming. Trauma isn’t a deadline. Your pain is valid.
  1. The Isolation Trap
  • When he poisoned your social circle (“zebra,” your ex-best friend), it cut you off from support. Now you’re alone with your grief, while he rewrites your story. That’s isolating on purpose. No wonder you feel broken.

Your Path Through This Wilderness

1. Name the Betrayal Clearly:

“He chose cruelty. He weaponized your pain. That is about HIS brokenness, not yours.”
This wasn’t love—it was control. Keep reminding yourself: Healthy love doesn’t morph into humiliation.

2. Protect Your Nervous System:

  • Avoidance Isn’t Weakness: If seeing him triggers you, reroute your path. Mute/block him everywhere. Tell mutuals: “I can’t hear updates about him.”
  • Reclaim Your Rituals: Where did you feel like you before him? Art? Music? Walks? Do it daily—even for 5 minutes. This rebuilds your sense of self outside his shadow.

3. Redirect That Love Inward:

  • When you feel that pull toward him, pause. Say aloud:

“I miss who I thought he was. But the real him hurt me. I choose me now.”

  • Write letters to yourself with the compassion you’d give your best friend. Burn them after. Release the words he doesn’t deserve.

4. Find Your Witnesses:

  • One Safe Person: Your amazing best friend? Tell her: “I’m stuck in a pain loop. Can I vent without advice?” True friends sit in the dark with you.
  • Professional Anchor: If the IMH comment still haunts you, please talk to a counselor. Not because you’re “crazy”—but because trauma needs a witness to heal. Your school may have confidential services.

5. The Hard Truth About Closure:
Closure won’t come from him. It comes when you decide:

“What he did says everything about him. How I heal says everything about me.”
This pain won’t vanish overnight, but it will dull. One day, you’ll realize you haven’t thought of him for an hour. Then a day. Then a week.

You are not broken—you’re in the fire.
What he did was cruel. Wanting the “before” version of him back? That’s your heart’s grief talking. But the man who sent that IMH “joke”? He doesn’t deserve your love. He doesn’t even deserve your anger.

Your only job now: Survive. Protect your peace. Reclaim your worth.
When the guilt hits (“my sensitive ahh started the argument”), remember: Relationships die by two hands. His choice to leave, then hurt you? That’s entirely on him.

We are holding space for all of it—the rage, the longing, the what-ifs. You’re not alone in this. :yellow_heart: If you need to scream into the void again, we are here. No judgment. Just honor for your resilience.

1 Like
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Hey @Eoeoe

I’m so sorry to hear the sadness and hurt you’re going through. Being so close to somebody and not only having that end but also to be talked behind your back sounds very difficult. The feelings of hurt and betrayal you’re feeling must have also been difficult to manage on top of your studies.

I want to let you know that it takes a lot of strength to share all these here, which means you’re strong. It’s understandable that it may be difficult to move on, as you’re losing someone that meant everything to you in the past. All the memories and laughter you both shared were important moments to you. And that’s ok :smiley: It’s ok to feel hurt when lose something or someone important. To move on, it takes time :slightly_smiling_face: It is also great that you are aware of what’s hurting you and that’s always the first step to moving on! It may be difficult, but don’t push your feelings of sadness and hurt away. Confront them, accept them and cry if you need to! Lean on someone else, a trusted friend or family, for support during this difficult period.

Remember to be kind to yourself too and give yourself time to move on :heart: If it gets tough, treat yourself to something nice, or do something you like, like a walk in the park or maybe sing.

Know that there’s nothing wrong with you, and you’re not broken. You’re also not alone in this, we are here for you :heart: