Hey @helpfulhibiscus5264,
That sounds very hurtful to go through, especially in school where you see the same people often and may already feel self-conscious about how others see you.
From your post, it seems like you have become very aware of your appearance and may be linking looks to whether someone is liked, accepted, or valued. When someone keeps making comments about appearance, it can slowly affect self-esteem and how a person sees themselves.
I also want to say this clearly, having ADHD has nothing to do with your looks or attractiveness. ADHD can affect attention, emotions, frustration, or reactions, but it does not determine your appearance or worth.
At the same time, comparison may be making the thoughts about yourself feel even heavier. Usually when the mind keeps comparing “why am I not like her,” it does not help someone feel better. It often strengthens the negative thoughts and makes it harder to see ourselves fairly.
The part about you starving yourself stood out because it sounds like you are starting to cope with the hurt by turning it against yourself. When someone feels rejected or criticised repeatedly, it can sometimes become “maybe I need to change myself to be accepted.” But being harsh to your body usually does not solve the deeper hurt underneath.
I also get the sense that you may feeling quite lonely in this situation, even while wanting to feel better about yourself.
You mentioned that classmate was once your closest friend. Something worth thinking about is how that friendship first became close. It was probably not based only on looks. Most close friendships usually start because someone felt comfortable, understood, supported, or safe around the other person.
Something you could slowly think about is when you wear the mask or avoid eating, does it actually help you feel better about yourself, or does it mostly help you avoid being seen for awhile?
It may help to speak to a trusted adult, school counsellor, or someone supportive before the eating habits and self-hating thoughts become harder to manage alone. You do not need to wait until things become worse before reaching out. You can reach out to 1771 mindline if you need support.
And honestly, someone who repeatedly puts you down may not be treating you in a kind or respectful way, even if they are called a friend. The hurt you are feeling deserves support, not harm.