I lost my only son due to suicide 2 months ago, he was 17 yo. My husband and I went for therapy separately. I went for 2 therapy sessions since, I still feel that I cannot talk to my mum about what happened as she is almost 90 and we were afraid she is not able to take the trauma if she knew my boy committed suicide. My husband and I told her that he was sick and he died suddenly. He had depression and anxiety attacks, he consulted a psychiatrist and was prescribed medication. We were very devastated when he decided to end his life. I still donât know if I can keep my emotions in check if I have to meet up with my mum, I am afraid that I cannot control my feelings. What do I do?
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Dear @user0129,
My condolences for your loss and I feel your grief about carrying this heavy, quiet ache. reading your note, I can feel you holding your breath: you and your husband have wrapped the truth to protect your mum, and that carefulness sits next to a very raw grief that needs to be attended. I can hear your exhaustion, your fear of falling apart, and the careful tenderness of both of you trying to keep her safe.
Youâre probably right that protecting her matters if you believe the truth would harm her and at the same time, protecting her doesnât mean everything must stay locked inside you. You and your husband are already taking steps in your grief, attending therapy, holding on together and that matters.
Sometimes the weight can feel too much to hold. if that happens, please reach out straight away: National Mindline 1771, or WhatsApp +65 6669 1771 to speak with a counsellor. Tell your husband and therapist too, so this burden is carried together, not alone.
A few small, practical things you might lean on when you next see your mum:
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Keep the visit short and predictable (30â45 min). choose a time when you feel a little rested.
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Go together, agree who gently steers if feelings rise; pick a silent cue (a hand squeeze, a slight cough) to step outside for a minute.
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Bring a gentle task (warm drink, folding a small cloth, a safe photo album). something in your hands helps you cope I the room and not hang only on talk.
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Plan a safe place right after (car, a quiet café, or home) so you can release whatever comes without needing to hide.
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Practice one grounding tool beforehand, paced breathing (inhale 4s, hold 2s, exhale 6s, repeat 4 times) or tuck a small stone or bracelet in your pocket to hold if you need.
Something for you to try⊠If you picture the next visit, what one tiny thing would make it feel less heavy⊠a shorter visit, a friend on call afterwards, or a signal with your husband? which feels most possible right now?
For longer-term care: keep therapy going (youâre already doing this, and itâs important). If you feel isolated by shame, a suicide-loss peer group can help; hearing other parentsâ stories can soften that lonely, blaming voice inside. Your therapist can also help you rehearse phrases for when your mum asks questions.
This is immense. Together youâve chosen tender protection for your mother and also chosen care for yourselves by staying in therapy. That balance is complex and heavy; thereâs no single ârightâ choice. For now, small safety nets, a shared plan with your husband, and a way to release after each visit are honest, workable steps. We are here for you.
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Dear @user0129
My condolences to your family, this must have been such a sudden and shattering loss. I canât even imagine the grief you are going through and I just want to say that my heart goes out to you and your entire family.
And I can see how much you want to protect your mother because you care about her. Itâs a very strong decision to make especially since losing a child is never easy for any parent and itâs natural to have all these painful emotions that are so large it feels like they may spill out.
For some of my thoughts about you meeting your mother, do you think it would work if you gather more support from either your husband or family member by going together when you meet her? That way, you donât have to bear the burden of keeping such a large grieving matter to yourself. And Iâm sure your mother would want to respect your grieving too so do you think itâs possible to gently (and truthfully) tell your mother âIâm sorry but Iâm not ready to talk about thisâ when she asks a question that you feel like would cause you to let out these emotions?
At the end of the day, I hope you know that there is support in this world, be it in the community or in your circle, that you can tap on and help you through this time of mourning. Please never feel that you have to hide such big emotions all the time. I understand youâre doing that with your mother because you care about her, but I hope you know that there are outlets for you to let those emotions out too 
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Dear @user0129 ,
My sincere condolences for your familyâs loss. This is truly such a heartbreaking thing for you and your family.
At the same time, you have displayed tremendous strength in going for therapy to process the grief. And it must be overbearing to process this grief while also trying to keep the loss from your mum. I canât even imagine the amount of emotions you must have.
No matter how it goes with your mum, I hope you always retain a sense of self-compassion through this difficult time. It is completely normal and justified to feel these overwhelming emotions and Iâm sure even if in the worst-case scenario you were to accidentally spill some of these emotions when talking to your mum, her reaction might not be as bad as you may imagine. Regardless, I want to to emphasise again that you are really strong for shouldering all this responsibility.
Please take care and if you ever need outlets for your emotions, do reach out to your community or close friends. Stay strong.
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Hi @user0129
My deepest condolences for yourâs and your familyâs loss. This is such a heartbreaking loss that no parent expects and I cannot imagine how much pain you are in.
Two months is such a short time. Grief after suicide often feels raw and overwhelming for a long while, thereâs no ârightâ way you should feel right now or need to have your emotions âin checkâ.
It is so kind of you to care and try to protect others (your mother) from certain suffering, but I hear that you are struggling with it⊠the weight of the truth, trying to hold back your painful emotions, and the need for that honest comfort and support during this time.
Do you want to tell your mother the truth? Do you want her comfort? I cannot say what is best for you or your family. On the one hand, I think, as a mother herself, she would want to be there for her daughter, but I can understand that she may be in a fragile state and that it is hard to talk about. Suicide can be heavy for many to talk about, especially with possible feelings of guilt or blame, questions of why, or just the emptiness that is left.
Remember that you are suffering too and immensely, so please be kind to yourself. It is good that you have professional support, however, it is understandable if you need extra support from a loved one. Do you have friends or family that can be with you or you can talk to about how youâre feeling?
Please know that our community is here with you, to listen and bear witness.
Holding you in my thoughts and sending you strength.
Dear @user0129 I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and my sincere condolences to your family. It makes sense that you feel afraid and unsure about how to share this with your mother, especially given her age and your concern about how she might handle the news. Itâs okay to feel scared, sad, or overwhelmed. These emotions are a natural part of grieving, and thereâs no ârightâ way to feel or process what has happened.
Itâs important to acknowledge your own readiness before you speak with your mother. You might ask yourself whether you feel emotionally able to share the news without it becoming too overwhelming. If the answer is ânot yet,â itâs okay to wait. Protecting your own emotional stability is not selfish, itâs necessary. You are allowed to take the time you need to gather your strength and support before having this conversation.
When you do feel ready, it can help to prepare what you want to say. Using clear, simple sentences can reduce anxiety. You might choose to focus on the fact that your son was struggling with depression and anxiety, and that his passing has been devastating for you and your husband. You donât need to go into all the details of his death. Sharing the essential truth in a gentle, measured way can help protect both you and your mother. Itâs also okay to set boundaries if questions feel too hard to answer in the moment.
Having support nearby, whether a family member or a friend you can call immediately after, can make a big difference. Grounding techniques, like deep breathing or noticing your physical surroundings, can help you stay present and steady if emotions run high. And it can be really helpful to discuss the timing and wording with your therapist, who can help you practice what to say and plan how to respond if your emotions or your motherâs emotions become intense.
Above all, please be gentle with yourself. Grief doesnât follow a schedule, and you donât have to rush to share this with anyone until you feel ready. Taking care of your emotional well-being is not only okay, itâs necessary. You are doing your best in an unimaginably difficult situation, and itâs completely understandable to feel uncertain about how to move forward.
This must be incredibly hard, and itâs okay to take things one step at a time. Be gentle with yourself, and remember you donât have to go through this alone. You are loved, and you can always reach out here whenever you need support. Weâre all here for you. Sending you lots of love and strength.
Dear @user0129,
Iâm deeply sorry for your loss. Losing someone to suicide is an unimaginable pain, and two months is such a short time to begin processing something so heavy. Grief in these circumstances often feels raw, confusing, and overwhelming, and thereâs no ârightâ way to feel or timeline for healing. Itâs incredibly compassionate of you to want to shield your mother from further suffering, but I hear how much youâre carrying. The weight of the truth, the ache for comfort, and the struggle to hold back emotions that deserve space and care.
If youâre wondering whether to tell your mother, itâs okay to sit with that uncertainty. Only you can know what feels safest and most supportive for you and your family. As a mother, she may want to be there for you, but I understand the fear that she might not be ready to hear it. Suicide brings up so many difficult emotions, including guilt, blame, confusion, and deep sorrow. Please remember that your pain matters too, and you deserve support. If you have friends, family, or others you trust, reaching out might help lighten the burden. And know that the Letâs Talk community is here to listen, to hold space, and to walk with you through this. You are not alone. 