I tried very hard to accept the fact cos he promised he will balance himself between the 2 families. But I still feel although he’s with me but his soul & mind is with his mistress.
hey @user6402
i hear you. truly.
you said you tried very hard to accept — and those words carry a whole world of weight.
maybe that “acceptance” wasn’t really peace, but a kind of survival. maybe it was your way of saying, “if this is what love looks like now, i’ll find a way to stay.”
but now… now it feels like even though he’s here, his heart isn’t.
and that hurts in ways words can’t fully explain — because how do you grieve for a part of what you lost or gave up unwillingly?
the mind can say “i’ll try,” but the heart knows when it’s alone.
and i wonder if what you’re feeling now — that ache — is your soul gently whispering:
“i haven’t truly accepted this, because deep down, i know i deserve more.”
please don’t blame yourself for staying.
there’s a part of you that believed love could still live here — and that part is tender and brave.
but you don’t have to silence the part of you that’s still grieving, still questioning, still hoping to feel like the only one, not one of two.
maybe today, you don’t need to decide anything.
maybe all you need is space — to listen to yourself again. no judgment, no rush. just here — with you.
Hey @user6402 thanks for sharing. It is indeed hard to accept and move on. It is definitely not easy, despite that you’re trying to make things work. Just wanted to acknowledge you for that.
But it is okay to stop trying for a while until you have fully processed this change. Acceptance is a process and it is okay to take your own time. A part of you is still unwilling to let go of what belonged to you, just staying with that part of yourself might be helpful.
You are doing the best you can given the situation. We hear you if you want to share more.
hi @user6402 ,
This situation can really lower a lady’s self-esteem, and it is really brave of you to share, so thank you! You are truly a loving and tolerant wife. Please do not blame/doubt yourself for any of this, it is not your fault.
Since both of you are still husband and wife, it shows that he still cares about the marriage. Hold onto that! Adjusting to changes this significant will take time. Be kind to yourself in the process! 
Hello @user6402
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. What you shared carries a lot of pain, and I just want to say that I hear you.
It sounds like you’ve been trying so hard to accept a situation that no one should be asked to simply “get used to.” You’ve been holding on, hoping he would keep his promise and truly be present with you, but it’s so clear how lonely and emotionally heavy this feels.
It must hurt deeply to feel like his body is here, but his heart and mind are somewhere else. That kind of emotional absence can feel just as painful , if not more than physical distance. You’ve shown strength in staying, in trying, in hoping. And you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel fully loved, respected, and chosen.
You’re not alone in this. What you feel is valid. And you don’t have to carry it all by yourself.
I had been telling myself to accept the fact that he has another family. Each time I had convince myself, later something will happen to let me angry and I will throw tantrums. I really had tried very hard not to lose my temper but I can’t. I really don’t know what to do. I really loves my husband. I don’t want to divorce.
hi @user6402,
I can imagine how hurt and angry you must be, seeing the man you love with another woman. Since humans are social creatures, problems with relationships (especially one involving a significant other) can really take a toll on the mind and body. You do not have to go through this period alone. Engage in communities (online or offline), hang out with friends, talk to a professional.
You mentioned you love your husband, and don’t want a divorce. You also mentioned your husband promised he will be taking care of both families. That is both of you trying to still make things work. You do not have to forgive him for his wrongdoing (and i can completely understand why) but focusing on the things he has done right (such as him taking responsibility for both families) can be a good way to cope.
Take care!
Yes I do agree. I still need a little more time to accept. I told myself if my husband can keep his promise to me, I got to be contented. I now trying to keep my cool and not to think otherwise negative. So that our lifes can go on till the day we part. This will benefits our children too.
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It takes a lot of vulnerability to share this types of information to everyone. I empathise with u.
When I discovered that my gran, was my grandpa’s second wife, I was dumbfounded. It enabled me to understand her insecurities little more. I sometimes wonder, if this dark secret is what makes her be a little more aggressive at this age.
But I also empathise with my grandpa. He became a widower at very young age which led to him marrying my gran to have lifelong companionship. Honestly, he was a good husband. He got my aunt married (back then) and also bought my gran a house to stay in India. He was a good husband.
Hey @user6402, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. What you’re feeling is completely valid, it’s deeply painful and confusing to be in a relationship where your partner’s heart and mind seem to be elsewhere, even if they’re physically present.
You made an incredible effort to accept the situation, perhaps for the sake of your family, your own peace, or to preserve what you could of the relationship. But even when someone promises to “balance” two families, emotional betrayal can still cut just as deeply especially when you feel like you’re no longer the priority in your own marriage.
The emotional weight of this situation can take a serious toll on your mental health and self-worth. It’s not just about him dividing his time but about how his actions are making you feel neglected, second place, emotionally abandoned. You’re not wrong for feeling hurt, conflicted, or even angry.
Here are some questions you might ask yourself gently, just for your own clarity:
What do you really want and need from this relationship now?
Has he truly made changes that make you feel secure and valued?
Are your emotional needs being consistently met?
If nothing changes, how would you feel in 1 year, 5 years?
You don’t have to rush into decisions. But it may help to speak to someone professionally—someone just for you—to process all these layers, the grief, betrayal, confusion, and loneliness. A therapist or counselor can be your space to breathe and figure out what’s best for your peace.
You deserve to be someone’s first choice, not someone they promise to “balance” between other obligations 
.