is this normal? ive always wondered why I genuinely have no sense of accomplishment/achievement. Especially on birthdays and graduations, its like “okay im graduating, i dont even care its just gonna be worse after”. The least i could do is get myself a treat. Im graduating soon and my friends are planning for grad trips, grad outfits and i’m just like, oh okay… for what? Even when i actually accomplished something like getting an A after so long, im just like “okay whatever” bc of this i barely have any motivation or energy to be better.
Hey @gaarawr,
What you’re describing is actually something a lot of people experience, even though it’s rarely talked about. It doesn’t come across as you being lazy or ungrateful. It sounds more like nothing has really felt acknowledged for a long time.
When achievements don’t register, it’s often not because they don’t matter, but because there hasn’t been much validation around them either from yourself or from people who feel close enough to you to count. If your effort has mostly been something you just push through, without much space to stop and recognise it, your milestones can end up feeling empty.
I also notice how quickly you mentioned “it’s just going to be worse after.” That kind of expectation usually builds over time. If your past experiences taught you that good moments don’t last, or that things don’t really get better even when you try, it makes sense that your system stops getting excited in advance.
You also mentioned at least getting yourself a treat. That’s not nothing. It sounds like a small way of taking care of yourself when there isn’t much coming from elsewhere, rather than a lack of appreciation.
Something worth gently sitting with isn’t just whether you “should” feel proud, but what these achievements were meant to mean for you in the first place. Was graduating something you wanted for yourself, something expected of you, or something you had to get through? If an accomplishment never felt like it belonged to you, it’s hard for it to feel satisfying.
I’m also wondering and there’s no need to answer this right now, who these achievements were meant to be for. Sometimes the numbness comes from not knowing who we’re showing up for anymore.
You don’t need to force yourself to feel excited or grateful about what’s next. It’s okay to slow this down and just notice what’s missing before trying to fill it. From the outside, this looks less like something “wrong” with you, and more like a sign that something important hasn’t been met yet.
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Hey OP,
Yeah, I’ve felt that for graduation. At that time, it didn’t really feel like an accomplishment. I felt like an imposter, wearing my graduation robe and receiving my degree. I didn’t feel like I achieved anything, I just…survived. Maybe I expected to feel prouder, but in the end, I just felt tired. Plus, there were also some other personal stuff that was weighing me down.
I’ve come to terms that maybe I don’t really need a grandiose feeling for hitting a milestone. For example, every time on my birthday, I’d always splurge a little bit more on food: sushi trains, restaurants, cakes, all sorts of stuff I’d rarely buy. It’s nothing major, and after I’m done, I’d just go back to my life as per normal. But the difference is that…I feel a sense of gratitude. Long story short, I’ve always thought I wouldn’t make it past university. I’ve constantly thought about dying, and I would sometimes wish I had that push to pull the trigger, metaphorically speaking.
I graduated. I got a job, I’m no longer broke, and I can pay for food and shelter without worrying I’ll be out of money. My life is far from perfect; I still have problems, and I have student loans I have to pay off. But whenever I treat myself to a little bit of fancy food on my birthday, it’s like a reminder to myself, “hey, I actually…made it this far. I’m thankful my past selves were able to push on through, even though they wished they hadn’t.”
TL;DR, gratitude really helps. It doesn’t have to be overly positive. Maybe for your example, you graduated! At least you don’t have to study for exams anymore. Or, when you got an A after working hard on it, just give yourself a simple pat on the back and say “nice.” It’s really not easy, and I will fall back into old habits. But time marches forward, and as long as you keep moving forward, you’re already winning.
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