Pathetic Life

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
1

I am good enough to help friend financially whenever i can. But why is it that ppl don’t appreciate me? I helped this particular friend A a huge amount of money for his debts, I stopped contacting him few months back cause he is too toxic. I never even chase to get back my money from him, cause i knew he can’t pay back. But what A did to me make me really think hard, do i deserve all these treatment after helping so much? I landed myself into debts just because of helping him. Not only did he not appreciative towards me, he actually used my name and details and submit me as guarantor to loan sharks without my consent.

Made several police reports, but seem like nothing is done and i have to live in fear almost everyday. This make me really wonder why am i so pathetic? Why do i deserve all these? Did i do anything wrong? What the purpose of living in this pathetic life? Am i the stupid one? I believe in karma, but i still hope and curse that A will die as soon as possible, because i think if he not dead, i will be the one who die first. I even have thoughts on settling him off if murder is not a crime.

Because of all these stress plus multiple news reports regarding people found at foot of hdb, it makes me wonder why am i not the one? How can i find courage like them to end everything and start afresh again. I know all these negative thinking are affecting and destroying me mentally, but i just cant stop thinking. Rest assured, i do not have intention to hurt myself in any ways as i do not have the courage, but i know my stress is indeed piling up.

2

Hey @user465175,

From what you described, one thing is very clear. You tried to help someone when they were in trouble. Lending a large amount of money to a friend, even when it affected your own finances, shows that you were willing to stand by someone who needed help. That kind of action is not small. It reflects that you take friendship and responsibility seriously.

What is unfortunate is that the person you helped did not treat that trust properly. Using your name and details as a guarantor without your consent creates real problems and stress for you. Anyone in your position would feel hurt, angry and worried about the consequences.

I also notice that instead of blaming everyone around you, you turned the question toward yourself. You asked whether you are stupid or whether you deserved this. That shows you are someone who reflects on your own actions. At the same time, it is important to separate your intention from the other person’s behaviour. You chose to help someone. The problems that followed came from how that person handled the situation, not from your intention to help.

The anger you described toward A is also understandable given what happened. The important thing is that you recognise those thoughts and have not acted on them. Being able to pause and reflect on those feelings shows that you still have control over your actions even when you are under a lot of pressure.

On top of this, you are already dealing with long working hours, debt pressure and fatigue. When several stressful things happen at the same time, the mind tends to replay the situation and question everything. That kind of thinking is common when someone feels wronged and overwhelmed.

You have already taken some responsible steps by cutting contact with A and making police reports. Those are ways of protecting yourself. At the same time, the stress you described is heavy to manage alone. Speaking with a counsellor or a support service can help you sort through the pressure you are facing and keep things steady while you deal with the financial situation.

If you are in Singapore, you can reach National Mindline 1771 for support. You can call 1771, or chat with a counsellor through WhatsApp at +65 6669 1771. It is a confidential service where you can talk through what has been happening and get guidance on managing the stress step by step.

What happened here does not mean you are pathetic or stupid. It shows that you helped someone who later abused your trust. Those are two different things. For now, it may help to focus on keeping yourself safe and stable while you work through the situation.

3

I really wish i can turn back time, i’m really tired. It seem like no matter how hard i try to move on, the threats always return. I can’t seem to get away with it, and restarting life seem like the only option for me to get away.

4

Hey @user465175,

When you say you wish you could turn back time and that you’re really tired, it sounds like this situation has been draining you for a long time. Anyone dealing with debt, threats, and the feeling that the problem keeps coming back would feel worn down.

You’ve already taken some responsible steps by cutting contact with A and making police reports. It may not feel like progress yet, but those actions are part of protecting yourself.

I can see how options of “restarting life” becomes the only way out when you feel trapped and exhausted. Most of the time it reflects a wish for the pressure to stop rather than a wish to run away.

Did you get a chance to reach out to National Mindline by calling 1771, or WhatsApp +65 6669 1771 to chat with a counsellor? They can point you in the right direction for resources that you need the most.

For now, focus on keeping yourself steady. You’ve been under a lot of strain, and it’s understandable that you feel this tired. Taking things one step at a time is enough

5

Yea, I did message the Mindline, but doesn’t feel helpful. So yea, I guess I have to fight in silent myself.

6

Hey @user465175,

It’s good that you tried reaching out to Mindline. Not every conversation will feel helpful straight away, and sometimes it depends on timing or the person you happen to speak with. Feeling disappointed after trying is understandable.

But the fact that you reached out shows you are not simply giving up. You were looking for support. One difficult experience with a service does not mean you have to handle everything alone.

You’ve already been carrying a lot… work, debt, and the situation with A. Anyone under that kind of pressure would feel worn down. If one channel didn’t help, it may still be worth trying another conversation later or speaking with a counsellor over the phone or trusted professional who can sit with you and work through the situation more steadily.

You don’t have to fight this completely in silence.

7

I did source for other channel too. But one session will cost me a lot which I can’t afford right now. Guess I have to walk one step and see where to go for my next step. I tired of planning on something that won’t happen too.

8

Hi @user465175,

I hear your concerns about the costs of mental health care. And this is a valid concern, particularly when counselling sessions at a private clinic can cost up to a few hundred dollars.

To address this issue, you may wish to look into the Community Mental Health Teams, which provide counselling services with zero out-of-pocket cost. Depending on your location, you may be matched to a counsellor from TOUCH, Care Corner, SAMH, Fei Yue or another social service agency.

You may locate your nearest Community Mental Health Team through this Service Wayfinder: mindline.sg | Free Mental Health Resources & Mindfulness Tools in Singapore

Step-by-step guide:

  • Click on “Start Now”
  • Go to “Therapy and Counselling”
  • Select your age and key in your address
  • Arrange an appointment with the service provider based on their contact details.

I hope this helps! :+1:

9

thank you! let me find time to take a look and arrange a session as i already scheduled to work for the rest of this month.

10

You’re welcome! Let us know if you have any further questions or queries. :slightly_smiling_face: