Violent Thoughts, and more

Ask a Therapist Signs and Symptoms
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1

Hey, this is my first post on this website, so excuse me if I do anything wrong.

Basically, I got scolded at work today by a senior colleague (it’s part time work) for accidentally speaking to a customer in a tone that could be considered rude. Immediately after she was done, these horrible thoughts of violent acts and doubt flooded my head, something that’s been happening since childhood when anybody scolded or opposed me. I have never acted on these thoughts, but on multiple occasions I have nearly committed to it.

I’m scared to ask my parents for a mental health consultation because my dad is one of those men should be tough guys, this is because he grew up in rough places.

I also feel that I can’t concentrate at all since childhood, and I’m too energetic to the point where I jump around in my room everyday to burn off the energy as I think of random thoughts.

What should I do?

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Hey @voalm ,

Thanks for sharing this post as your first.

What stands out in your post: you believed the tone issue was accidental, and at the same time you sound like someone who is not avoiding responsibility. There is some awareness of your own actions. But being scolded seems to trigger something much stronger than the situation itself.

It suggests that correction does not just register as “I made a mistake.” It may register as something more personal. If your earlier experiences of being scolded felt harsh or overwhelming, your system may have learned to treat opposition as threat.

When no one helped you, as a child, to understand and regulate those feelings, emotions tend to get pushed down rather than processed. Later, they can return as sudden intrusive images or intense mental reactions.

Your post itself shows that you are no longer just suppressing. You are observing the pattern.

It may help to reflect quietly: when you were scolded growing up, what did it mean to you?
Was it about behaviour? Or did it feel like something about your worth?

If correction became linked to identity, then even minor feedback today can feel disproportionate.

So a suggestion to consider, when a surge happens:

First, name the feeling in simple terms. Anger. Shame. Embarrassment. Just one word.

Then write down the thought that comes with it, exactly as it appears in your mind.

After that, choose a safe action that expresses the intensity without harming yourself or anyone else. Since your value boundary is intact and you have never acted on violence, you can move toward non-physical channels entirely:

  • Sketch lines or shapes that reflect the pressure you feel.
  • Write what you wish you could say, then close the notebook.
  • Play or create sound that matches the intensity.
  • Build or arrange something with your hands.

The aim is not to “calm down.” It is to give the feeling structure. When the feeling is acknowledged, the thought is recognised, and the behaviour is chosen intentionally, the internal split reduces. Over time, this helps your system learn that being corrected does not equal danger.

You are already taking a step by examining this pattern instead of acting on it.

If you notice it again, try to observe the sequence. What comes first, the feeling, the thought, or the image? That awareness will help you practise this alignment more deliberately.

3

Hey @FuYuan_Affections ,

Thanks for replying to this. Your input is actually significantly helpful after these feelings seem to have subsided. Nonetheless, it’s still lurking quietly in the depths of my mind.

I’ve always had this issue where any form of criticism or minor opposition was an attack on me, so you’re right on that. I believe I have some narcissistic traits.

I just want to realise that I’m shouldn’t keep defending myself because I’m not really as good as I think I am.

Anytime I make a mistake that gets noticed, I feel shameful, even worse when the other person takes over with a sigh as if I am a burden (to which I most likely am at work), so that’s that.

Sorry to bother you about this.

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Hey @voalm,

I want to say to you, there’s nothing to apologise for. :slight_smile:

The fact that you’re willing to look at yourself this honestly deserves respect. And as you continue sharing, only go as far as you’re comfortable. You don’t owe anyone full exposure. Growth doesn’t require self-punishment.

It’s clear you’re beginning to think about congruence; who you are, what your limits are, and how that matches your behaviour. Acknowledging limitations is humbling. The next step isn’t harsher self-critique. It’s acceptance.

There’s a subtle difference between:
“I need to improve because I’m not good enough.”
and
“What can I choose to change because I want to grow?”

It sounds paradoxical, but change becomes steadier when it’s for yourself, not to escape someone else’s disapproval.

When you’re ready, you might gently walk through this sequence the next time something happens:

  1. Call it out plainly:
    “I made a mistake and it was noticed.”
    or
    “The other person sighed and took over.”

  2. Notice the meaning you attach.
    You mentioned, “I am a burden.”
    That’s a judgment layered on top of the event.

  3. Pause the judgment.
    If a friend came to you feeling ashamed over the same mistake, what would you say to them? Would you call them a burden? Or would you say, “You’re still learning. One mistake doesn’t define you.”

  4. Consider how you would accompany that friend forward.
    Not by forcing them to be better. But by standing with them and asking, “What’s one small step we can try next?”

You don’t need a perfect solution. Sometimes progress begins with staying present with yourself instead of attacking yourself.

You’re already moving from defence toward reflection. That’s significant.

How do you imagine applying this to yourself the next time a mistake is noticed?