Why am i more dumb these days, i feel like im having a academic downfall. I used to get good grade effortless. And now, im studying like everyday with extra efforts, but my grades just dropping nowadays. My other friends are having higher grades than me, im ashamed. Everytime they ask about my grade, there’s an guilt uncomfortable feeling in my chest. When they are proud of their results, i only can cheer them, but deep inside me it’s a sharp envy feeling. I always thought that i could kill myself of shame? Or get in a traffic accident. I haye everything about me,my face, my hair, my appereance . I mean, there’s always somenone much better than me. Much smarter, much prettier. And many of my friends and teacher, even my family labeled me as the “smart gifted child” What if someday they found out the real truth?. I always remember one of my classmate said that im smart because of google, and now i often think about that, maybe that’s not wrong?. Is this God’s punishment for me?
Hey OP,
I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a hard time with your academics. I know some friends who are labelled as the “smart, gifted kid” who then struggles a lot in further studies–could be burnout, could be that they’re using methods that doesn’t work for them anymore, could be for any reasons.
I know one friend who used to excel in high school but soon struggled a lot in university; their GPA soon dropped so low, they were at risk of being unable to graduate. However, they still persevered and managed to graduate despite having an average GPA. They’re now working in a job where they can use her skills and knowledge to use. Even when their academics were not the best, life still goes on.
You are correct. There will always be someone who is better than you, and it applies for everyone else. However, your self-worth is not determined on just your academics alone, nor your looks, your skills, anything. In fact, you do not need to prove your self-worth; your existence alone is enough. You do not need to prove anything to anyone, just existing is enough 
Hey @capablebee6663,
It feels like something shifted quite suddenly… not just in your results, but in how you see yourself. Before, things came naturally, and now even with more effort, it’s not giving you the same outcome. Over time, that kind of constant pushing can become tiring, especially when your sense of self starts getting tied to whether the grades are there.
When you described that “guilt uncomfortable feeling in your chest” when friends talk about grades… it sounds heavy and slowly turn into “if my grades drop, then I’m not good enough.” That can make those moments with peers feel difficult to sit through.
I am also concerned for you when you mentioned thoughts about harming yourself or wishing something would happen… even if they come and go, they matter. It suggests the shame and pressure have been building up for some time. You do not have to hold that on your own. If those thoughts get stronger, you can reach out to SOS (1767) or Mindline 1771, or WhatsApp (6566691771). There are people who will listen and take you seriously.
There is also this part where you were labelled the “smart gifted child.” When that label stays for a long time, it can become something you feel responsible to maintain. So when results drop, it may not just feel like performance changing, but more like “what if people realise I’m not who they think I am.” That is a lot to carry, especially without support on how to handle setbacks.
Right now, it seems like you may not have had enough space where effort is acknowledged even when results are not there. Without that kind of support, the mind tends to fill the gap with harsh conclusions like “I’m getting worse” or “something is wrong with me.” These are automatic thoughts, and they can feel very convincing when you are already tired.
That pressure can also affect how the brain works. When stress, comparison, and fear build up, concentration and recall can drop. So it can look like you are “doing worse,” but it may be more about your mind being overloaded than a loss of ability.
One thing I’m wondering… when you sit down to study now, does it feel calm and focused, or does it feel tense, like you are trying to prove something?
There is also the part about your classmate saying you are “smart because of Google.” It makes sense that this stayed with you. Using tools to research is common, and it still requires you to think, filter what is useful, and decide what to apply. The tool supports the process, but you are still doing the thinking and making the decisions.
For now, it might help to hold this idea: effort going up and results going down does not mean you became less capable. Sometimes it means something else is getting in the way, and it may need a different kind of support rather than more pressure.
You may also notice that comparing yourself with others makes the drop feel sharper. There will always be people doing better in certain areas, but that does not take away your own ability. Learning to stay with your own pace, even when others are ahead, takes time and practice.
Hey @capablebee6663,
Thank you for sharing what you’ve been going through on the platform. I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a tough time not only with your academics, but also inside. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot inside, where you feel ashamed and uncomfortable when you talk about grades with your friends, the comparison that someone out there is always better, and the pressure of being labeled as the “smart gifted child”. It certainly isn’t easy to deal with all these, and anyone will be overwhelmed if they carry so much stress within.
I think in the society we live in, it’s very common for us to compare ourselves with others, due to ease and at times to fuel competitiveness. We sometimes use things like grades, number of followers or likes on our social medias to compare our worth with others. But I feel these things fail to capture things that are harder to see, like our values, qualities and personality. The things in us that makes us uniquely us. And I feel that everyone has something in them that only they have. And I’m sure you do too. Perhaps now you still haven’t found it. Yes, there will always be someone out there better at us at one area, but never on your whole life. Afterall ,each person becomes uniquely them as they have went through different life experiences. And I’m sure you bring something unique too
With regards to your grades, I think as we progress through the education system, it would get harder and harder, and it’s normal for us to not do as well as before. For me, even in university, my grades in my first year are better than now, because of the increased difficulty of the modules. I think it’s more of finding out what works for you, but that does not mean you’re stupid. And in our current society, I think it’s inevitable to use AI or google for help due to vast amount of information out there. But it’s still on you to decide what information is useful or not for what you’re doing. So in the end, you’re the one still doing the work of filtering and making the decisions. Don’t be so hard on yourself for using such tools. It’s normal to use them.
I also hear that what you’re going through has affected you to the point that you have thoughts of harming yourself or wishing something will happen. If you feel like acting out these thoughts, please reach out to the hotlines @FuYuan_Affections mentioned.
Hope this has managed to help you and know that we’re here if you need someone to talk to 