When I see women outside I feel anxious?

How come sometimes outside I feel anxious then I panic? Is it because I see cute girls?

Hi @user1372,

Are you experiencing this for the first time? Or you noticed yourself anxious and panicky everytime you meet a cute girl?

Yes.
I am 27 years old.
How to avoid? Because afterwards I can’t eat my lunch at work? Sometimes when I queue up buying lunch at foodcourt, my hands become no strength both like want to shiver.

I feel like too excited or want to cry and can’t eat my lunch when it happens? It’s strange?

Hi @FuYuan_Affections

Recently just now I ate lunch there was a girl in front of me quite stylish and I cannot don’t look at her, so I keep looking at her or I feel insecure

Hi @User1372,

Thank you for sharing more about what’s been happening—it sounds like these situations are really “stirring” for you, especially when you feel drawn to look at someone you find attractive. I hear that this feeling often leaves you feeling insecure and overwhelmed, and it’s understandable that you’d want to figure out how to handle it better.

Recognizing Admiration vs. Fixation
It’s natural to admire someone’s appearance, especially when you notice qualities that you find attractive. Admiring someone’s facial features or style is a normal part of how we interact with the world around us. However, when this admiration feels like it’s taking over your thoughts or actions—like when you feel like you can’t stop looking or feel physically uncomfortable—that’s when it might be worth something for you to become more aware if your behaviour is of a compulsion than a simple appreciation.

One way to approach this is by trying to notice when the admiration turns into fixation. It’s okay to have a second glance at someone’s features you admire, but if you find yourself looking over and over again, it’s helpful to pause and ask yourself: Am I admiring this person, or am I getting stuck in a loop of looking?

This can help you differentiate between natural admiration and a feeling of compulsion. The goal is to appreciate someone’s appearance without letting it overwhelm you or take over your thoughts.

Shifting Focus: Looking vs. Meeting
It’s interesting that you mentioned you often feel drawn to look at a girl rather than meet or interact with her. This suggests that part of your focus is on the idea of attraction itself, rather than on the person. Sometimes, this kind of fixation on appearance can create a sense of distance, where you see someone as an ideal or a symbol of attraction, rather than as a person with whom you might connect.

One thing to think about is: What am I imagining or expecting when I look at someone attractive? Are you hoping to be noticed in return? Or is the focus more on how their appearance makes you feel?

By shifting the focus from “looking” to “connecting”, you may find that the feelings of insecurity lessen. You can remind yourself that real connection goes beyond appearance, and that the most meaningful interactions aren’t based on how someone looks, but on how you relate to them as a person.

Challenging Compulsive Thoughts
It’s clear that these thoughts about attraction can feel overwhelming and cause a lot of discomfort. When you notice that you’re starting to feel anxious or stuck in the pattern of looking, it can help to challenge those thoughts.

Ask yourself: Is this helping me feel better, or is it making me feel more anxious? If the answer is that it’s causing more anxiety, try to gently redirect your focus—whether that’s onto your surroundings, your task at hand, or something else that feels grounding.

One technique that might help is mindfulness. When you notice that you’re feeling drawn to keep looking, take a moment to focus on your breathing or something else in your environment. This can help you break the cycle of compulsive looking and bring your attention back to the present moment.

Finding Balance Between Attraction and Reality
It’s great that you’re starting to notice the difference between being attracted to someone and feeling compelled to keep looking. This awareness is the first step toward finding balance. The key is to appreciate someone’s appearance without letting it make you feel insecure or out of control.

By gradually practicing this awareness, you can start to feel more comfortable in situations where you’re around people you find attractive. Remember, it’s okay to appreciate someone’s appearance, but you are in control of your actions and thoughts. You can decide how much energy you want to put into those thoughts and when it’s time to focus on something else.

Final Thought
I know this feels overwhelming at times, but it’s possible to work through these feelings. With practice, you can learn to appreciate attraction without feeling consumed by it. It’s all about finding a balance that feels healthy for you. How do you feel about trying some of these strategies the next time you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed?

Take your time, and feel free to share how you’re doing— we here to support you through it.

Hi, I feel I always see the girl then I feel good, like feel abit sexually excited also….

Like there’s a sense of achievement or satisfaction like in a office environment…

But there’s something I need to note is I have stopped ■■■■■■■■■■■■… and I feel this can be contributing towards this obsession of looking at girls…? You can correct me if I am wrong?

I am drawn to girls wearing like skorts and bodycon dress when I feel I will look at their butt often…? Sorry but this is inappropriate

What happens if after seeing this girls,
You feel like ending work later to ■■■■■■■■■■ it off? Jizz of the feelings ?

What if I declare this type of behaviour as a compulsion? Is it serious? Then how should I deal with it?

And I also like to see girls wearing yoga pants outside it looks attractive to see their butt? (Sorry this is inappropriate but I really wanna solve my issue)

Hi @user1372 ,

Thank you again for your openness, and I appreciate that you’re working hard to understand what’s happening with these thoughts. I want to take this seriously with you because these patterns of thought and behavior can lead to bigger challenges in your life if left unaddressed.

You’ve already noticed that these thoughts and behaviors around girls seem to be becoming compulsive. Compulsions are behaviors that feel out of control and can start to dominate your life. It’s important to take a moment to recognize that while your current behavior might feel like it’s just thoughts, it could escalate into more problematic actions if not addressed.

These patterns can lead to feelings of guilt, anxiety, and isolation, and they could also affect your ability to form healthy relationships. It’s essential to take steps now to ensure that this doesn’t impact your mental health or your connections with others down the line.

Given what you’ve shared, I strongly encourage you to seek out a therapist or counselor who can help you explore why these thoughts are happening and guide you through managing them in a healthy way. It’s not uncommon to struggle with compulsive thoughts, but without the right tools, they can take over your life. Therapy can provide a safe space to understand the root causes of these behaviors and work on practical strategies to reduce them.

Have you considered speaking to a professional about these thoughts? They can help you make sense of this and offer real strategies to take control.

You’ve mentioned concerns about acting on these compulsions, such as staying late after work to release those feelings. It’s important to recognize that acting on these thoughts could push you further into a cycle of compulsion, guilt, and shame. The more you give into these urges, the harder it becomes to break free from them.

Instead, I’d encourage you to find healthier outlets for these emotions. Physical exercise, hobbies, or mindfulness techniques could help you channel those feelings into something more productive.

You’ve already started to question why you’re focusing so much on these thoughts about girls’ appearances. Let’s try to take that a step further: What are you really looking for when you feel drawn to these thoughts? Is it about the sense of control, achievement, or fulfillment you mentioned? Or is it something else, like feeling noticed or validated?

Taking the time to explore the deeper emotions behind these compulsions can help you start shifting your focus away from the thoughts themselves and toward understanding what they represent for you.